There is this dumb blonde who likes animals and is kind of afraid of horses. She still likes horses so she decides to overcome her fear. So one day she hops on a horse and the horse starts gallopping amd won't stop. She starts to get a little afraid and the horse won't stop. So everybody is watching and doesn't know what to do. So she grabs its leg and the horse still won't stop. Then she decides to jump but her foot gets stuck in the stirrup. So she is bouncing on the ground and doesn't know what to do. Then the Wal-Mart manager comes running out and pulls the plug out of the socket and saves her.

Funny Pick Up Lines

1. I wanna melt in your mouth, not in your hands
2. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her that I just met the girl of my dreams I want to call your mom and thank her.
3. Is your dad a thief?? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "yes")
4. Your so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.
5. Would you be my love buffet?? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
8. You must be tired. ["Why?"] You were running through my dreams all night.
9. That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.
10. My name's [state your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
11. My name's [state your name], but you can call me "Lover."
12. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck??
13. What do you say we go out for a pizza and then a fuck?? ["No."] You don't like pizza?? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "okay")
14. Can I flirt with you??
15. Your dad must've been a baker cuz you got a nice set of buns.
16.(Look at his/her shirt tag.) When they ask, "What are you doing?" Reply, "Checking to see if you were made in heaven."
17. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
18. If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
19. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
20. [Grab his/her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken??
21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
22. Can you give me directions? ["To where?"] Your heart.
23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
24. How 'bout you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.
25. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
27. How 'bout you and I go back to my place and get out of these clothes?
28. [Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.
29. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/shirt/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
30. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
31. I hope you know CPR cuz you take my breath away.
32. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
33. My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.

Excerpt from '101 things not to say during sex'

1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.

------------------

The morning after the operation the woman awakes, and at her bedside are 3 bouquets of roses at which point she asks the doctor rather sternly, "who did you tell?" "I told you not to mention this at all to anyone". The doctor replied I didn't , The first bunch is from myself, whilst the second bunch is from the attending nurse, and the 3rd bunch is from the guy upstairs thanking you for his new earlobes.

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink; dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pop out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.

The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left . . .Then to the right . . . right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The Crows are the Adelaide footy team.(favourites in the city)
The Power is the Port Adelaide footy team.(kind of like total OUTCASTS!!!)

(the power havent won a game for almost 15 weeks!!)

A man and his small dog walk into a bar and the man is trying to conceal his dog within his jacket.

The Bartender werks out that he has a dog and sez "hey man, you know dogs arent allowed in here." the port supporter sez "Ah cman just this once, the tv at home is busted and me and my mate here LOVE the footy!!"

The bartender grudgingly accepts and lets them stay.

The power kick the first goal of the game.

The dog, jumps up on his 2 hind legs and starts pouring everybody drinks and talking to the patrons at the bar!

A crows suporter sez "Fuck, thats incredible!!! What happens if the Power win????"

The port supporter sez "I err dont know, ive only had him for a 8 weeks!!!!!!!"

Heh he eh eh ehe he he, Hopefully thats funny for you guys too...